9 Korean Phrases for Dropping Formality in Korean (반말)

Quick answer: To stop being formal in Korean, you ask first. The most common lines are 말 놓으세요 ("please speak casually to me" — said to someone older) and 우리 말 놓을까요? ("shall we drop the formal speech?" — between equals). 반말 (banmal) is casual speech; 존댓말 (jondaenmal) is polite speech, and switching between them is a social event, not a grammar choice.

In almost every K-drama there's a scene where two characters have been saying 그랬어요, 괜찮아요, 감사합니다 for six episodes — and then one of them says something short and flat, and the room changes. Subtitles can't show it. English has no polite form to drop, so the translator just writes the same sentence and the moment evaporates.

Here's the one idea to take away: in Korean, 반말 is not something you slide into. It is offered, requested, or seized. Offered by the older person, requested by the younger one, or seized by someone who is angry. Those three situations sound completely different to a Korean ear, and the nine phrases below are how they actually sound.

1. 나이가 어떻게 되세요?

나이가 어떻게 되세요? — "How old are you?"

This is the question that comes before everything else, and it's not nosy in Korean — it's practical. Until two people know who is older, neither of them knows which speech level to use, so the age question gets asked early, often within minutes of meeting. A slightly more formal version is 연세가 어떻게 되세요?, used for clearly elderly people. Note that 몇 살이에요? is fine with someone obviously younger, but to a stranger your age or older it lands a little blunt.

2. 우리 동갑이네요.

우리 동갑이네요. — "Oh, we're the same age."

동갑 means "same age," and in a drama this line is practically a sound effect: the moment it lands, both people relax. Being 동갑 removes the hierarchy problem entirely, so 반말 usually follows within a sentence or two. You'll often hear it with 그럼 말 놓자 ("then let's speak casually") tacked right on.

3. 말 놓으세요.

말 놓으세요. — "Please speak casually to me."

놓다 is "to put down," so you're literally telling the other person to put down their polite speech. The younger or lower-ranking person says this to the older one — never the other way around. A fuller, warmer version is 저한테 말 놓으셔도 돼요 ("you can speak casually to me"), and 말씀 편하게 하세요 ("please speak comfortably") is the softest, most polished option, good with someone much older or a boss.

4. 우리 말 놓을까요?

우리 말 놓을까요? — "Shall we drop the formal speech?"

-(으)ㄹ까요? makes it a joint proposal, which is exactly right when neither person outranks the other — two new coworkers the same age, two people on a second date. It's gentle because it leaves room for a no. If the other person wants it too, the answer is often just 네, 좋아요 — and then the very next sentence will already be 반말.

5. 그럼 말 놓을게.

그럼 말 놓을게. — "Okay then, I'll speak casually."

This is the switch itself, and notice it's already in 반말 — 놓을게요 would be polite, 놓을게 is not. That half-second where someone announces the change in the new form is the drama moment. Between friends you'll also hear 우리 말 놓자 ("let's drop the formality"), which is the same thing with -자, the casual "let's."

6. 반말해도 돼요?

반말해도 돼요? — "Is it okay if I speak casually?"

This one is blunter and younger-sounding than 말 놓을까요?, and you hear it most from students and people in their twenties. It's the right phrase when you are the older one but you don't want to assume — asking anyway reads as considerate rather than weak. The reply is usually 네, 편하게 하세요 or simply 응 (which is itself 반말; if you're unsure when to use 응 versus 네, the differences between 네, 응 and 아니 are worth knowing before you switch).

7. 편하게 해.

편하게 해. — "Relax, be comfortable with me."

When the older person opens the door, they don't ask — they grant. 편하게 해, 말 편하게 해, or 나한테 존댓말 쓰지 마 ("don't use polite speech with me") all mean "you may stop being formal." To a Korean ear this is warm, a little paternal, and slightly one-directional: the older person is handing something down. The younger person then usually hedges for a round or two — 아, 그래도… — before actually doing it.

8. 너 지금 나한테 반말했어?

너 지금 나한테 반말했어? — "Did you just speak 반말 to me?"

This is the other kind of switch — not intimacy, but attack. Dropping into 반말 with a stranger, an older person, or a superior is a deliberate insult, and this line is the standard response to it. It shows up constantly in confrontation scenes, and the person saying it is usually using 반말 right back, which is the point: the hierarchy has been thrown out by both sides. Related: a big part of Korean family and age titles exists precisely so nobody has to guess.

9. 왜 갑자기 존댓말이에요?

왜 갑자기 존댓말이에요? — "Why are you suddenly being formal?"

Going back to 존댓말 with someone you were close to is a door closing. After a fight, a character who used to say 알았어 will start saying 알겠습니다, and it's colder than shouting. There's no English equivalent at all — this is the nuance subtitles lose most completely. If you ever want to create distance in Korean without a single harsh word, this is how it's done.

What actually changes when you switch

Mostly it's the 요 coming off, plus a few words that change outright — the 감사합니다 / 고마워 split is the one learners notice first. Also, 이름 (name) replaces 씨 or a title, and 너 becomes available as "you," a word you should never use upward.

FAQ

What does 반말 mean in Korean?

반말 is the casual, non-polite speech level in Korean — sentences without the 요 ending, used with close friends, younger people, and family. Its opposite is 존댓말, polite speech. Using 반말 with the right person sounds friendly and close; using it with the wrong person sounds rude, so Korean speakers normally establish the relationship first.

How do you ask someone to speak casually in Korean?

Say 말 놓으세요 ("please speak casually to me") if the other person is older than you, or 우리 말 놓을까요? ("shall we drop the formal speech?") if you're about the same age. A softer, more polished option is 말씀 편하게 하세요. All three are everyday phrases, not drama-only lines.

Is it rude for a foreigner to use 반말?

It's not rude to use it with someone who has invited you to, and it's not rude with a close friend your age or younger. It is jarring with strangers, shopkeepers, older people, and anyone senior to you at work — that's the version that sounds disrespectful. When in doubt, stay in 해요체 and let the other person open the door.

Practice

1. You've just met someone who turns out to be five years older than you, and you'd like the conversation to relax. What do you say?
2. Put 감사합니다 and 미안해요 into 반말.
3. You and a new coworker discover you're the same age. Say "we're the same age" in Korean.
4. Change 어디 가요? and 같이 가요 into 반말.
5. Your close friend suddenly starts saying 네, 알겠습니다 to you. What does that signal?